A Theology of Female Embodiment- One Month of Pregnancy (in five installments) Three of Five

Written Dec 3rd
(to read from the beginning scroll down to January 4)

I cannot ski without lots of powerbars stuffed in my pockets. If I do anything for 2 hours without a snack, or my lifeline of tangerines, I get shaky. The afternoons are the worst, but not impossible. I sit on my red chaise, covered in corgis and their fluffy hair and type away for emails and an article I’m working on about Love and Respect, entitled "Are Women Natural Lovers" for Marriage Partnerships Magazine.

I feel content and delighted that I still want to write, that I care deeply about traveling and how this pregnancy will affect Soulation. My only fear is that this child will come squalling into our lives and put a dead end to our partnership together. I fear this when I go down the worst-case scenario road. I fear this when Dale tells me all the things that some women feel as he read his “Expecting Father” book, half of the things I roll my eyes at and vow never to do. Am I starry-eyed or stupid to assume I will still care about my work with him?

Concern for Dale keeps me watching and wondering if he’s getting ignored by me. He has only commented negatively of one thing, “I can see how men feel sort of left out,” he said, “all the fun stuff is going on in your body.” I’ve noticed that I get so shaky and hungry that I just scrounge around for food for me (forgetting lunch or breakfast for both of us), to get the strength up to not feel dizzy and drained. So I’m empowering Dale with lots of suggestions of all the good things to eat in our fridge, things that he can warm up quite well, on his own. He is doing a good job being interested in what I’m feeling, curious about my body and any changes I feel. We have our first appointment in a week, Dec 13, with Dr. Mary Bowman at the Yampa Valley Women’s Clinic. I cannot wait. Then I will know for reals, and begin to plot about how to tell my family for Christmas. What a fun surprise that will be. I think I’ll have my grandma knit a baby hat, letting her in on the surprise ahead of time, and then have her give it to my parents. Ohhh, what a surprise they’ll get!

In the meanwhile I’ve stocked up on some natural prenatal vitamins. Perhaps they’re just a placebo, but I feel less shaky during the day. In the early mornings I wake up unnaturally alert at 5 or 6 am. That’s strange, because I’m usually the last to get up. Dale’s been wondering where I am to snuggle with at 7 in the morning. I’m down stairs, checking email, eating a cold tangerine and letting the Corgis jump on me.

So far, pregnancy suits me just fine.