Comments on Jonalyn Grace Fincher: The Quiet Work of Mothers I Know

Thanks jonalyn, this is good! From a mom who wants...

2009-12-01T18:38:41.389-08:00

Thanks jonalyn, this is good! From a mom who wants to be that and so much more!

Danielle Doan

Hi Jonalyn! This part of your post really struck m...

2009-04-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

Hi Jonalyn! This part of your post really struck me:

"Caryn's book serves as a good reminder that some women want to be known beyond their mom label. But many churches tell women that they are mothers first, barely whispering that they are made in God's image in other ways as well. ...Christian women often earn an A-plus in self-condemnation while completely missing the class on honesty and transparency."

I go to a medium-sized church where it's pretty easy for anyone to look around and say, "Most of these people are not like me. Therefore I'm not sure I fit in." There's just not a whole lot of any one "category" of people. In a bigger church, you might go to the group for people just like you and find common ground more quickly, in a smaller church, you would not expect a big group of people just like you - you'd work a little harder to find common ground. Medium is a bit harder; I think people feel let down in "the church." Consumer mentality I guess.

I would have though, though, that if anyone KNEW the church was for people like them it would be the young moms: since there are more women than men in the church, and from sermons and whatnot one would get the message that their primary identity, their core relationships, are those at home. If the whole focus on family thing is going to resonate with anyone, I'd think it would be with the moms.

But I hadn't thought of it the way you - and Caryn - have, that this could itself be restricting. Aren't we all more alike than we are different - all human - and more ourselves than we are representatives of a subset of people?

Heidi, Thank you... this is good to know about the...

2009-04-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

Heidi,
Thank you... this is good to know about the seasons of motherhood.

Fiona,
I love your point about the due date so to speak of being a mother full time. This is a good point about motherhood not being (for most) a vocation.

As far as singleness, this is something other readers have commented on and how difficult it is when much of the church focuses more on the biological family. I want to recommend any unmarried reader to check out Fiona's blog on singleness (see click above in her comment). She also recommends these 2 books on singleness:
Al Hsu "The Single Issue" (Known in the US as "Singles at the Crossroads")
Rob Bell "Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality."

Thank you, Fiona!

I've really struggled with all of this as I became...

2009-04-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

I've really struggled with all of this as I became a mom four years ago. For me, the struggle was in letting go of what I was identified as outside of being a mom and being perfectly content with just being known as, both to my children and to everyone else, as a mom.

My daughter has some significant behavioral and medical special needs that have prevented me from doing almost anything outside of my home, or outside of simply being a mother 24/7. I have had to learn to rest in setting aside anything else that I am or can do aside from mothering for this season. I don't know how long it will last, but this is where God has me.

While I think He does create all of us with more than a single purpose or vision, I do believe He calls some women to simply be solely, only mothers for a variety of reasons.

Finding where I fit in to a group of women, based on these circumstances (I'm not "just" a mother, but then, that's all I am right now) is very difficult.

Great review! I loved this book, too. And, now it ...

2009-04-14T05:42:00.000-07:00

Great review! I loved this book, too. And, now it looks like I need to get my hands on a copy of your book. Also looking forward to reading your thoughts here on your blog...

Hey Jonalyn! Thank you for this. I read recently...

2009-04-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

Hey Jonalyn!

Thank you for this. I read recently (in "Courage and Calling" by Gordon T Smith) that every single one of us has a vocation given us by God. It's a lifelong calling that will surely develop and mature as we grow older, but it's always part of us... what struck me forcefully in the book was that he said that motherhood is not a vocation in this sense, unless you are called to foster-care for life, as it were. This is because the duties of a full-time mother will end when the children leave home.

I had never thought of that, but it ties in so neatly with what you are saying, that a stay-at-home mom is not only a mother, but also...

Your blog actually helps me feel a little more gratitude to God for my singleness. Is that weird? Let me explain:

I often struggle with being single, in this society that is so geared towards couples and families. Sometimes I reach a state of peace about it, because it's clearly God's will for this time in my life, but much of the time I feel somewhat disappointed at everything I'm missing out on.

I can see, from what you write, that there are many, many mothers who have given themselves so fully to their mothering role that they become subsumed by it, and don't feel validated as people in their own right. I know my own mother experienced this so I can see how easy it would be to fall into that trap.

So I, as a 30-something single, am a bit more grateful to God for this time in my life, unencumbered by husband or children, when I can grow to know myself fully and explore and develop my gifts and skills without hindrance. It is, in fact, a privilege rarely recognised. I keep feeling I ought to spread the word a bit more, to all those lonely singles out there. It can be a good thing, really!!! I wrote about it here when I was feeling generally more positive on the subject!

So thanks!

Hi Jonalyn, I enjoyed this account of your time s...

2009-04-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hi Jonalyn,

I enjoyed this account of your time spent with Erin the other day. Beautifully expressed! I visited her today, so I know what you're talking about firsthand. :-)

I have found that being a mom took a lot more of my time when my kids were younger, and consumed more of my energy and thoughts. However, as they get older, and become more self-reliant, I am able to focus on other things, including discovery of who I am in Christ. We've all been given a special destiny by God, and part of mine is raising my kids. But God is so big, and creative, that I know He has much, much more for me.