Comments on Jonalyn Grace Fincher: Women, STDs and Vulnerability

I'd like to note that part of the reason there is ...

2008-06-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'd like to note that part of the reason there is shame associated with STDs is that it affects the parts of us that are most vulnerable and sensitive, most key to reproduction and most important in sexual pleasure. Interestingly enough these sexual organs are precisely the areas we cover with clothing, as did our ancestors when they discovered they had sinned (Gen 3:7).

I don't think the shame is something we must live with forever, God is one who took on the shame of the cross for us, so he's no stranger to it. But we cannot deny the shame as a way to deal with it.

This is why I'd disagree with Grian/Lee (though I appreciate your concern that we get educated about STDs) because I know the shame that accompanies sin of any kind is not defeated through education and "moving on." These have not been sufficient antidotes in my life. Open confession of the pain, watching and working alongside with God who re-works the strands of broken thread into a marvelous tapestry has been part of my healing. For a recent talk about how I worked through this "God Wants the Broken" at Biola University.

For a good treatment of the need for community confession, prayer and openness see "Jen's Blog Deep Dark Secret" or her Christianity Today article
"I Knew I Wasn't Alone"

I hope no one minds, but I thought I would comment...

2008-05-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

I hope no one minds, but I thought I would comment on this one.

The disease that afflicts most of the quarter of the female teen population and at least 50% of all sexually active people in the U.S. (some studies say 80%) is HPV - the Human Papiloma Virus. Some strains of this disease cause cancer. Most people don't even know they have it and clear symptoms on their own within a year or two of infection.

HPV is the same disease that causes common warts on hands and plantar's warts on feet. Do you suppose anyone with those strains of the disease feels dirty or ashamed? No they don't. The reason why is because sex is stigmatized into being filthy and any disease that is sexual transmitted automatically causes more emotional stress than immediate physical symptoms.

Condoms do not prevent the transmission of this virus 100%. It can be transmitted from any skin to skin contact - or fluid on hands, skin, etc. It can also be passed on orally.

Contracting an STD, while unfortunate and bothersome, is not shameful. Be educated, see your doctor for treatment, tell your future partners, and continue with your life. Disease is part of the human condition and sex is a natural part of life.

Please understand I am speaking specifically about STD's that are not HIV. That virus should not cause shame either, but it is much more serious and I don't wish to be blaze about it at all.

Hi Jonalyn, I am so grateful to God and Jesus for ...

2008-03-31T21:43:00.000-07:00

Hi Jonalyn,

I am so grateful to God and Jesus for your openness to write about such a crucial topic online. Your views and voice is very much valued by me and I am sure also to many, many people out there who need to hear and know about the truth about sex that God has created. I'll be visiting your site often and hope to grow in christian maturity about marriage and sex and many others with you and the rest of the online community and also , not forgetting God's word, the bible's wisdom to lead us into His purposes for us in our lives. I hope that the Lord will empower all of us and equip us with the necessary knowledge about sex to last us through our final years and to the next generations.
I truly thank you for your writings and your deep love for Jesus to do this online. God bless you richly and keep you in His arms forever.

Karen Yap

Dear Anonymous,Your vulnerability and willingness ...

2008-03-31T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Anonymous,
Your vulnerability and willingness to share the pain of your past is beautiful to read. Thank you for sharing how difficult this burden has been. I've recently spoken of God's desire for the broken pieces in our lives at Biola's Chapel
"God Wants the Broken" .

This morning I prayed for God to renew your body and mind with his thoughts of you, that he would show you his approval and pleasure in you as his daughter, that you would remember that you follow a God with scars in his hands and feet and side. Thank you so much for letting us hear your heart's pain. Grace to you, Jonalyn jonalyn@soulation.org

Jonalyn,You have broached a painful subject for me...

2008-03-30T22:48:00.000-07:00

Jonalyn,
You have broached a painful subject for me, since I am one of those women afflicted with an STD that has no cure. I am almost 50 and am terrified of the possibility of developing a relationship with a man that might lead to marriage. I made choices as a young woman that have haunted me all these years and left me feeling dirty and "less than". Because I bear this secret, I also have a great deal of difficulty feeling the forgiveness that God so much wants me to know. All of this because I did not choose abstinence. It is indeed more than a physical affliction. It afflicts me down to the very core of myself as a woman, a Christian, a human being...This is the one thing that I truly regret and have had such difficulty forgiving myself for. A friend of mine equates "safe sex" with telling your child to watch for cars as they play on the freeway. Please pray for my spiritual healing and help me find a way to use this place I am in to minister to others.

Cara,It's always good to hear you thoughts. I lik...

2008-03-27T11:38:00.000-07:00

Cara,
It's always good to hear you thoughts. I like your point about using our bodies as a pre-emptive control, sort of "get them with your looks before they get you with their brawn." It's a posture of fear and threat.
Also loved your thoughts on how women's bodies are like a precision engineered automobile that needs high quality fuel to run properly. There's nothing smart about saying your porshe is tough enough to "handle" low grade fuel or that your body is tough enough to "handle" multiple sex partners. I think it's worth reconsidering what we're trying to prove.

Hi Jonalyn, I enjoy reading your blog. I wanted ...

2008-03-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

Hi Jonalyn,
I enjoy reading your blog. I wanted to comment that I agree with your ideas. "Sexual empowerment" is a lie that actually enslaves women in a state of danger. I think it has come to mean "the freedom/unrestriction to use your body as a tool to manipulate others and have power over them." It's a kind of pre-emptive "control them before they control you." It's also an adolescent belief that a person should be able to do whatever they want, even if it harms them because it's their choice. That should not be a choice we give to other people if we truly care about them. Here is where adults need to start leading by example because that's the most powerful way a young person learns.
As for the vulnerabilities of women's bodies, the answer lies in honoring this aspect instead of seeing it as a liability. It's like properly treating a precision-engineered car by not putting crappy fuel in it. This is just being smart instead of doing what isn't good for it because you want to prove your car is as tough as anyone else's.